Bee spirit

I shall be a busy bumble bee and have the bee spirit! Work work work... Write write write... Review review review... Jia you to myself and hope I will make it through this Annual Review that came half a year earlier than expected.

I am SH. SH am I and I can do it!

I am what I am

Time passes fast and I've been here for almost 4 months now. There are ups and downs along the way and although I dislike uncertainties, there are just nothing much I can do but to accept or even embrace them. "Ups and downs in life make it complete and meaningful." - I don't deny that but frankly I don't enjoy them sometimes.

Probably I am expecting too much of my life and the people around me. Probably I just want all things to be within my control. Probably I am just a perfectionist who denies to be one. And that makes me miserable sometimes because I become unforgiving, calculating and cold (just like what the horoscope predicts). Well, that's me then. I won't compromise. Probably one day I might change for my own sake. But for now, I won't.

What a freak am I turning into.

Calorie intake

Based on my weight, age, gender and activity level each day, I am suppose to take in only 1500kcal a day. If I want to lose weight, I should take only 1300kcal a day. That's so little! And I will lose only 180grams per week??

Gosh... I am eating too much! Far far far too much then what I require... Control is needed over my diet right away!

http://www.runningforfitness.org/calc/weightloss.php

My Moon

MOON IN CAPRICORN

[You were born to be in authority, it comes naturally to you. This could bring you either fame or notoriety! Either way, a certain amount of celebrity is guaranteed. If you focus on your ambition, dedication, and strong work ethic, the public eye will eventually come to view you as a prominent and respected individual. The Moon in Capricorn may make you a little insensitive and unperceptive of others feelings. Others might view you as cold and calculating. If your Sun or Ascendant is in one of the cardinal signs: Aries, Cancer, Libra or Capricorn, your future success is almost assured. And with fame and success comes enemies. It is almost certain that one will appear and try to spoil your success or reputation, be it secretly or openly. But don't worry, this person will most likely fail! You share characteristics as a person whose Moon is in Scorpio. Both of you have a great amount of energy, trouble with the opposite sex (sorry!), and a lack of control in certain areas of your life. You have a strong influence over others. You also know how to put on a good show, and will do anything to accomplish goals you have set for your self. You are a mover and a shaker!]

AM I? I want to be even if I will be cold and calculating because I am already cold and calculating now.

...

I just cannot stand stupidity. Just cannot stand people. Cannot stand all these rubbish and nonsensical stuff anymore.

I am faking it. Faking it all the while. And now I cannot stand it anymore but to scold F*** off!

My prayers

I pray, I pray.

I pray things will turn out to be good. I pray there will be some good news soon.
God, please give us some blessings.

I will be optimistic and hope for the best this time.

..

I don't feel right recently. But I can't explain what is wrong.

Questions in my head

My hair is getting longer. Should I cut it myself? What if it turns out worst after I cut it myself?

Should I rent out the small room in my apartment to someone else and earn some cash? OR
Should I shift to a smaller place to stay alone without the hassle of staying with another person?

Should I continue my 'adaptive learning model' in capital structure and just move further on with less and less faith in it? OR
Should I start to think about a new model to work on just in case the above doesn't turn out well?

Should I splurge on the Spring season clothes or should I just wear what I have since I don't go out much nowadays and the most-often-worn now is pyjamas?

Should I get another pair of heels to match my stockings? THEN
Should I get a dress to match my stockings and the new heels above if I buy it?
Why did I buy that stockings in the first place??!!??!!

What should I cook for lunch and dinner tmr? It's a chore to think of what to eat everyday. SO
Should I just eat out tomorrow? But I don't feel like wasting money eating outside. But eating at home is boring! So what should I do?

What should I cook when my cousin is here next week? Probably I should learn some new recipes for next week.

It's 1am and I am hungry. Should I go grab something to eat?

I should be sleeping now and stop typing these rubbish!!